I DON’T WANT TO BE // A PROLOGUE TO HISTORY


This afternoon
30 November 2008, 623 PM
Filed under: Attempts | Tags: ,

Today I meant to go check out ATSA’s État d’Urgence to check out the installation by Kyohei Sakaguchi, but when I got to the square, I got kind of intimidated by the French (I know, I know) and the homeless people (yes, ironic). But I ended up studying for a while at the Bibliothèque et Archives nationales du Québec, also on Berri. It was my first time there… comfy – so much so that I feel asleep – despite their rule about wearing one’s shoes and I stayed for a while, reading and thinking petty bourgeois schoolgirl thoughts until I felt for a latté. I went to a nearby café and sat and tried to read but I was distracted and I ended up watching a squeegee kid for something like an hour.

Later, when productivity wasn’t working out, I went to inquire about a gift for my roomate’s birthday (fail, unfortunately) and went home, where I continued to not work, but cleaned the kitchen and chopped an onion and red pepper, and now I’m still not working.



Seriously
18 November 2008, 307 AM
Filed under: Uni | Tags: , , ,

“O man, I seriously need to work on my thesis,” is something I tell myself a lot. Today my supervisor caught up with me and I admitted to her that i hadn’t done any work. She was sympathetic and related to me that she spent some of her dissertation time being afraid of her supervisor. To get me out of this block (it definitely is one), I’m going to try to write a page or so about representations of Hui my sources have encountered in their research, or representations I have encountered in my sources. So far this brings to mind that people say they are 1) drug dealers, and 2) good at math (I suppose some minority has to be good at math when you’re in a country the other parts of the world sees to be generally good at math, or something). I’m working on this. Or I will be. Right now I’m reading Dai Houying’s Stones of the Wall (I’m surprised there’s not more about it on the interweb) for Chinese lit. There are multiple narrators but they all identify themselves. I’m trying to get back into the swing of writing about stuff. I have to remember that I like school and uni and uni-things like writing essays, two of them this month.

I’m working on this.



Thanks guys

I’m a bit better now. I think the turnround happened Thursday night or Friday or something. I think I did end up crying that night, just a little bit, but not as much as I’d have liked (it’s a weird feeling to be gasping for air and on the verge of tears literally all week), but apparently enough to mess up my eyelids anyways. Val knows what I’m talking about. But Thursday night happened so that my four day weekend could begin (I have those, I’ll gloat, I have actually no excuse to be as stressed as I feel/present myself to be, but it happens). Guinevere came over to use our oven to make pie Thursday night. Friday night I went over to the A-boys’ and we watched Casino Royale in preparation for screening Quantum of Solace last night. (more…)



Anxiety
11 November 2008, 654 PM
Filed under: Attempts, Uni

I am generally quite content and appreciative of the way things are going in my life, in the broad scheme of things, because they could always much worse. But I feel really anxious right now. In high school, I remember one instance in which I was not understanding some physics problem so much so that I was in tears but today in class (literary modernity in China) and (I think) understanding some of the things we were talking about… and then it was time for my presentation. And it was like… iunno, my early teen years all over again where I could barely articulate myself except this time it was not the problem of not understanding, it was simply the problem of not being able to complete a sentence. (more…)



Two incomplete thoughts from my interdisciplinary education

Two incomplete thoughts I hope not necessarily to complete, but at least size up later, when I’m not drowning in… air, or something:

TEXTILES: I took a course on women in Chinese history last year. It was not a course on notable women, but rather more ordinary women. We had the opportunity to research particular areas of interest/assignment. I worked on women and work, which was not my first choice, but it’s more interesting than placenta in my opinion. “Men till, women weave,” had been the motto.* When weaving was displaced to the textile industry (beginning in the Song dynasty), women’s labour was increasingly devalued, which followed with a decline in women’s status in society. In an related or unintended rant, my professor in Islamic law described the demise of women’s position in Middle Eastern countries towards the end of the Ottoman Empire as local silk began to compete with cheap British-imported cotton (grown in India where farmers were paid virtually nothing and manufactured in England where women and small children were also paid virtually nothing). And capitalism… I should remind you, dear reader, that this is an incomplete thought.  Also, I like clothes, but should consider the implications of this more carefully.

SPIRIT: The aforementioned professor constantly reminds us that contemporary law in those nation-states which identify as Islamic cannot reproduce Islamic law in the modern setting no matter how many thieves it deprives of its hands because the spirit behind it is just not there. Modernity has set in and all those things Foucault identified about power that became associated with the apparatus of the state… it’s just not the same, and Islamic law then worked in benevolent and sustainable ways but it cannot now (apparently it can only be sketchy rather than creative). In my Chinese literature class we also talk about modernity. It is in fact the theme of the class, and I guess my professor’s research interests (I am intentionally avoiding discussing how awesome I think he is). We are currently discussing Kant and most of it is going way over my head, but we are somewhere in the first half of the twentieth century and Republican Minister of Education Cai Yuanpei is really into philosophy, and aesthetics, and thinks about the China that could be if its national curriculum included the problem of beauty and morality… or something (I really must read these books sometime)… So anyways, I think I want to study public policy and I feel like maybe I should remember these things later when I’m taking an economics class for the first time ever, that there is, or there should be, a spirit behind things, maybe… Also, the term “humanities,” includes the word “human.”

O man, I seriously need to work on my thesis. I’m going to be sooooo screwed next semester. My thesis has nothing to do with either of the above incomplete thoughts, though I should maybe consider the latter, but that just complicates things really. I apologise again for any unnecessary run-on sentences.

***

I’m pretty happy Obama won but I wonder about all those states who want to restrict the rights of gays, and I hope that Obama can make try to make some things right to bring about a more inclusive American society. Similar wishes for Canadian society of course, but I really don’t have as much faith in Harper.